Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
