on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
