Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
