Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
