remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
