Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
