It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
