Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
