lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
