I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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