omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
