I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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