why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
