he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
