she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
