For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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