Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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