I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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