not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
