So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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