based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
