Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
