He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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