Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
