its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
