i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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