Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
