Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
