I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
