Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did i walk over a car last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
