I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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