he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
