Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
