Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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