But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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