Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
