he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
