Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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