I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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