@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
