note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
