apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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