There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
