Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
