never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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