Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
