I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
