just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
