Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
