Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
