my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
